Joy

The other day, Jared said to me, "Do you realize how much joy you get from James?"  I kind of laughed it off because, of course I get joy from James-I do from all my kids!  But I really sat back and thought about it....and Jared is right.  All of my babies have been special in their own unique ways. James is no different.  It is my job to make him feel loved.  It is my job to bring his comfort, peace, and happiness.  It is also my job to spend as much time holding him close to me--as long as possible.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized I really do those things without even realizing it.  I know there's a part in the back of my mind that is constantly thinking about the next cardiology appointment, the next surgery, the next set of what ifs.  I just can't reconcile the idea of NOT absolutely relishing each moment with him.  You know what's funny though-the other kids are the same way.  When they wake up in the morning, the first thing they ALL do is go into James' room to say hi...Sara's first words are, "I want to give him a hug!"  They constantly yell things like, "Oh my gosh, James just stood up!"--even though he has been doing that for months and months.  James is joy.  For me, for the kids, for Jared-for our whole family.  We sure do love that little boy to pieces.  

These thoughts come the night before we head to the cardiologist for a check-up....never a fun outing, but one we will handle.  Prayers tonite for James.