Question #30

This is the last question!!!!  What am I supposed to do from here on out?  This has been a really good way to journal for the last month, and in many cases, it was good "therapy" for me.  I think I might continue this from Jared's perspective-our kids may be interested one day to see what he thought about each question!  On to the final question:

List 5 things you hope to be remembered for.

1. I want to be remembered, generally speaking, as a nice person and a good friend.  That may sound overly simplistic, but those things are important to me.  I try really hard to be kind all the time, especially in friendships.  It is important to me that others feel like they could rely on me if needed.  
2. I want to be remembered as someone who served well.  I don't necessarily mean in church callings or standard service projects.  I never ever mind dropping things and helping people out, especially in times of need.  I feel like I do that for my family all the time-that's what I think family is all about, and to be perfectly frank, it is very hard for me when I don't feel that attitude reciprocated.  I am so not perfect at this, but it is something I aspire to all the time.
3. I want to be remembered as a mother and wife who tried her best all the time, even when it seemed like she was doing pitiful at both jobs.  It is hard to be a good wife and mother, it just is.  It is such an important job, and I try so hard every day-I hope the kids know that, and that Jared knows how much I love him.
4. I want to be remembered as a good teacher, in the classroom, in the primary room, in the home-anywhere.  Teaching is one of those things that feels so innate to me-I want to share that talent and I want others to benefit from it.  It is so important to me to maximize those skills the Lord has given me in whatever capacity I am in.
5. I want to be remembered as a person of faith.  Life is hard.  There have been many situations in my life that have been hard for me to handle, and I haven't handled them all as I probably should have.  But I have also had many experiences in my life that have required faith, and I have exerted it as best as I knew how...the feelings and testimony that arose from those experiences make me who I am today, and those things really form the basis of who I am.  It can be hard sometimes to rely on faith all the time, especially when you feel like life is swallowing you whole.  But through the Lord anything is possible, and that requires faith.  I will never be at the end of that road, at least not here on this Earth. But I am doing everything I can right now to stay on the road and to teach my children the same thing.

Question #29

What is your love language?

I went the mile, I actually took the test, and to be honest, I didn't think it was a very good assessment-then again, I hate profile tests like this, where I end up thinking "none of the above" for no other reason than its just not me.  Regardless, the result of the test said my love language is Acts of Service, which does make sense given how stressed out I get all the time about everything I feel I have to do in a day's time.  My stress levels go way down if Jared helps clean the house, and that always means a lot to me.  Pretty much tied for second place were quality time and physical touch.  Last place was Receiving Gifts, and I knew that would be last because I have never ever cared about presents at all-the only thing I like receiving are flowers, and Jared knows that and does a good job with it.  :)  I would much rather Jared put his time and energy into helping with the kids or around the house than buying me gifts-that means so much more to me.

Jared's love language is physical touch with words of affirmation closely following in 2nd place.  As much as I don't like the profile test, I would be interested to read the book, I think it could be pretty eye-opening.

Back to the Ghost Town

We trekked up to Goldfield Ghost Town today, and I am happy to say I did well hiking around with the kids!  Thankfully there are a lot of spots the kids like to stop and look at which gave me the rest I needed when necessary.  We took this family pic right next to the train horn, and when that thing went off, James screamed as loud as he could!  We missed the gunfight unfortunately, but James would have screamed at that as well, so no big deal.

It was beautiful outside-a bit warmer than I would have liked, but windy and overall quite nice.  We hiked around the entire area and lingered particularly in the cemetery area and the gun range. The man on duty gave our kids 2 tokens each to try out the guns (laser guns) and we had a blast trying to shoot the various targets to make the objects move.  I stole 2 shots from Jordan's turn, and I hit the bell and the snake-the latter of which spit a bunch of poison (ie water) right into JD's face.  That was pretty hilarious!  JD hit 3 targets on his own, Jordan hit 2 on his own, Karianna was sad to not hit any, but I think her gun wasn't working properly.  Sara hit the most-she hit like 8 targets!  Of course, Jared was helping her little trigger finger, so she was bound to do well!


 On our way home, we noticed a new attraction-a Lost Dutchman Museum. The kids are so intrigued about the Lost Dutchman after our many visits to the dinosaur museum, so I think we will explore that next time we venture out and maybe hike around the area trying to find the mine.  We had a good time, and it was nice to get out with the family.

 My favorite photo op!

Funny comment of the day....we were standing around a gravesite that was adorned with a decrepit pair of boots.  Here's the stream of comments, the last coming from Sara and winning the aforementioned award:

"Ew, look at those old boots." "I bet those boots come alive at night and walk all around the graveyard, scaring away any children who come too close."  "Maybe those are the boots that person wore when they were alive." "Maybe those are the boots of the guy that killed the person who's dead." "Maybe someone left those boots as a gift for the ghost of the dead person."

Sara:  "Maybe they are Santa's boots."

Ha Ha!

Question #28

What do people misunderstand most about you?

I think people sometimes assume I am somewhat anti-social.  In some situations, I am, but I think people equate "anti-social" to "hard to get to know".  I don't think I'm all that hard to talk to or get to know.  I am not a social butterfly to any degree, that's for sure, but I don't think that makes me hard to talk to.  Maybe I'm just delusional to this end.  :)  I also think at times, people think I handle everything going on in my life easily. That's not true most of the time, I struggle to get through more days than I care to admit.  There are times where it would be such a relief to just have people understand it's hard, and takes so much of me.

Question #27

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

Um.....this sounds like a question more appropriate for a much different context...

I like my eyes. I have always liked the color, and I like that I've been able to pass them on to 4/5 of my kids, especially since they should be recessive.

I Love...

1. I love that both of my grown up boys will come over to me and give me random hugs all the time-for absolutely no reason, other than they just want to give me a hug.
2. I love that when Karianna saw I was frustrated with the younger kids, she just started cleaning up the front rooms.  She told me, "I figured it would help you feel better."
3. I love that the boys are taking such pride in keeping their jammie drawer clean with folded clothes.
4. I love that Karianna went and laid out everything for dinner to save Jared some time.  
5. I love that Sara sat with me on the couch for 20 minutes feeling the baby kick and hiccup-and she looked at me in awe with every single movement.
6. I love that Jordan will come home and immediately do his homework every single day with no help from me.  If he doesn't have homework, he will find something to do in the homework category.
7. I love that James is talking so much.  He has tons of 2 word phrases down right now:  at work; at school; all gone; all done; ew gross; bye _____; my turn; love you; hi _______; Dad home.  He started saying three word phrases this week, starting with "bus is here", and it has grown to _______ is here with anything in that blank....my favorite from this morning:  "Cockroach is here"  immediately followed by "ew gross" immediately followed by "garbage".  
8. I love that Jared came home and his first words to me were "I just really appreciate you-you do so much for my family, and I feel loved by you".  That meant a lot to me.  He said other things too, but we'll leave it at that (insert wink).
9. I love that I got to spend over an hour just chatting with my visiting teachers this morning.
10. I love that Sara and James play so well together-their mega blocks towers were amazing this morning.  

I love the people around me.

Question #26

What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

This is hard for me to put into words, but I'll do my best.  I think the world at large believes you should do whatever makes you feel good, and that any inclination you might have is most likely natural and true to who you really are, genetically speaking.  Thus you should do it and be proud of yourself for that and not worry about what others think.

I think this is the biggest cop out for maintaining any kind of belief system other than the above statement, and a huge excuse to not have any integrity or personal accountability.  Instead of embracing a guideline or belief and struggling to hold on to it through thick and thin (which builds character, a testimony, and moral fiber), most people just take the free spirit route and just do what they want because ultimately that's what their body is telling them is most natural for them, thus it must be right.

This kind of thinking drives me crazy because it has led to a society that excuses whatever they do.  Our society has no sense of morality or values.  We eat what we want, do what we want, take advantage whenever we want, and have relationships with whomever we want.  We turn away from religion because there are too many rules that dictate what we can or cannot do.  We get frustrated with society rules/expectations and cry prejudice or racism because its not our way.  We get mad when people say they believe something different just because it may infringe on what we believe in, though it doesn't really affect us at all.  We get equally mad when we are not given what we think we are due;  we think we deserve certain things just for breathing or just for living a certain way, rather than actually earning them through hard work and strong character.  We live in a morally deplete society and it makes me sad.

This notion tells people, especially young people, that its okay to have sex when they want and with whomever they want.  It tells people smoking and drinking is just fine, and no one should look down on you for that.  It tells people that pornography is okay because sex is a natural drive for the human body and we shouldn't be ashamed of it.  It tells people they are entitled to certain things from our government without any hard work, regardless of how negatively it impacts others.  It tells people that wearing skimpy clothes or putting the body on display otherwise is okay.  It tells people that its not okay to abuse a dog--you'll get in major trouble for that--but it is okay to have an abortion because its your body and you can do with it what you want.  It tells people that having faith in anything makes you uneducated and childish.

Sigh. I could go on for hours, but I'll stop.

It's this notion that makes me the most scared to live in this world, because the fact that my kids will have values that they cling to will put them in the minority through their tough teenage years.  That's why it is becoming so important to me, as our kids get older, to teach them now to be strong valiant sons and daughters of God-unafraid to stand up for what they believe in despite what is going on around them.  I can't forsee this getting better, and if you ask Jared, he'll tell you this is why we will eventually move to the middle of nowhere and be totally self-reliant so we don't have to be around people with no values or morals.  We'll see where the future leads us, but for now, there's a lot of teaching going on to help our kids NOT fall into this popular notion that the world currently sees as good

Question #25

If you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be, and what would you eat?

The most hilarious part about this question is the final clause-what would you eat....really?  I laughed at that part, especially in relation to who I would pick.  I would pick Jesus first and foremost.  However, what do you eat for dinner when Jesus is at the table?  It just means I would hire a catering crew, give them a list of dislikes, and let them create what they want.  Maybe we'd just skip the dinner part and talk.  If Jesus wasn't available, I'd have dinner with my Dad.  I wouldn't care what we ate, I would be too busy talking to him to eat.

See why that last part of the question is just irrelevant?

Question #24

Describe your family dynamic from when you were growing up and your family dynamic now.

I am sure my descriptions will be different simply based on perspective.  It is easier to see things as an adult, and it is way different to see them as a kid.  ;)

I grew up in a family of 10. That means a lot of people living in close quarters and sharing bathrooms and bedrooms.  8 kids sharing one full bathroom....2-3 kids per bedroom....its bound to cause some issues.  I have both good and bad memories of that type of a living situation, memories of getting extremely frustrated at brothers who enjoyed teasing just to tease, and memories of staying up super late talking to sisters even though we were not supposed to be doing so.  I never felt left out though-I think my parents did a good job attending to each of us.  I felt like I never had a very personal relationship with my parents growing up-we didn't talk about super personal things, thus I was never comfortable bringing them up.  It was a requirement in our house to share, do our list of chores, and be flexible-it was just necessary with so many kids.  We had to be understanding of Dad being gone a lot for church callings/work, but he did a great job making sure he attended all our important events/games/concerts-even to the degree of sitting us all down and asking us if he was doing enough.  We had consistent prayer/FHE/scripture study and those were good constants in our family dynamic. I felt it was on the strict side in order to keep everything running smoothly, and I look back and think we all lived in a bubble-very protected from the world at large and from things that were out of line with gospel doctrine.

Our family dynamic today is more relaxed.  I feel like we give our kids a lot of freedom to think through things on their own, to learn how to do things at an early age, and to take care of themselves and their siblings. At the same time, I would consider myself a helicopter parent.  I have a tendency to micromanage and to NOT trust the world at large, thus I am hesitant to allow my kids to do things that I probably would have been allowed to do as a kid. I feel like a new parent in this realm almost every day.  We are not as organized as my family growing up, but we do have a lot of routines/expectancies in our family as well. As a parent, I do my best to keep things clean and to teach my kids to value having a clean house...that's a work in progress!  I love having my kids share rooms, and I remind myself all the time to not get too frustrated when the kids talk and giggle together before going to sleep....those are the things that helped me build relationships with my siblings despite my parent's wishes, and I want to help my kids have the same relationships.  I have made it a point to be much more open with my kids about anything they want to talk about, including girl stuff, and stuff that is going on in the world.  I want my kids to be able to use what we are teaching them to make decisions about what is happening in the world and where they stand....I think that is becoming increasingly more important in the world today.  We like having church discussions all the time and reading scriptures based on topics that the kids are curious about-growing up we read the BOM straight through a lot, and our family approaches it more by topic.  We like to have fun, silly times as a family a lot, and I find it important to get the kids very involved in taking care of our house (I don't think they are excited about that).

Lots of similarities and differences. I often wonder if my parents felt like they were in sink or swim mode as often as I do!

Question #23

Hooray, it is officially Fall and thus cooler!

List your top four hobbies and why you love them.

1. Blogging-this is such a stress reliever for me.  I take pride in keeping my blog updated for family journaling purposes, and I take pride in keeping this record for my kids.  I also love to write, and this gives me a great outlet.  It is just fun to chronicle all those little things our family does, because I know years down the road I won't remember them.  Last but not least, sometimes when I am down, I'll read past entries on the blog, and it will remind me that things are not as bad as they seem.
2. Reading-yet another escape.  I have always been a reader, and it is how I put myself to sleep every single night.  I have tons of tried-and-true favorites I fall back on if I don't have a new book to read-anything so I can just read and lose myself in another world.
3. Primary-I don't know if this qualifies as a hobby, but I love my calling and I spend free time surfing blogs and pinterest for new and interesting ideas for singing time.  I have so many things saved to my primary folder, and I love the inspiration I get from them.
4. Singing and if I could, playing the piano-oh, I need a piano!!!!!  I am a music person and love both of these.  I miss singing in a chorale-type setting, and yes, I really do need a piano, but again, these are two things I can absolutely get lost in and just enjoy myself.

Someday, I hope to develop more "hobbies".  I don't have a ton of free time, so it's hard to explore things that I know I would like.  I want to get into gardening, and Jared and I were set on trying that this year, but we missed the timeframe we would need to plan in when my new job started.  I want to do some photography tutorials, but I need a good camera for that.  I want to learn how to do so many DIY projects around the house, but again, there's just not a ton of time beyond basic cleaning and caring for the kids.  I love sports, working out, running, swimming, but again-where's the time?  So for now, we'll have to stick with minimal hobbies and make goals to do more of it as time goes by.  

A Pregnancy Dream

I had my first, super-vivid pregnancy dream last night...more appropriately, baby dream.  It wasn't bad necessarily, but it wasn't great either.

I dreamed I was rushed to the hospital after my water broke and I lost my mucus plug in two different instances (I'll skip descriptions of that).  The doctors told me I was already dilating and I'd have to deliver at 31 weeks.  They rushed me into a C-section, and when I came to, I had not 1 but 2 little babies-and when I say little, I mean little.  In my dream, they were literally no bigger than the length of my hand from head to toe.  Plus there were two of them-wasn't expecting that.  In my dream, I was instantly in love with them, though they had no gender or names.  Their bodies were perfectly formed and they were wrapped in this little bed that looked like a round cabbage patch doll slipper.  They would open their eyes and reach out for one another...I have that mental image in my head even now, more than 12 hours later.  In my dream, I remember taking them home, though that home was my mom's house--I was in Daniel and Jacob's old room for some reason.  I would lay on the bed with that little doll-slipper-bed next to me and just watch the two babies.  They grew right before my eyes it seemed, and the bed grew with them. ;)  At times, their skin would be transparent and I could see all the veins and organs underneath their ribcages.  At other times portions of their skin would turn very dark and in my dream, I would worry they were getting sick-so I would rub their little arms or tuck them in tighter, and their normal skin tone would go back to normal.

The dream ended weirdly in that Sara and Jordan were all of the sudden playing in that bedroom and they made a huge mess.  At this point the babies were as big as action figures/barbies, though still just as helpless as a newborn. Somehow, one of the babies got lost in the mess, and I couldn't find him.  I was crying my eyes out, sure that baby was lost forever.  I had gone through all the toys in that room 4 or 5 times when I woke up and realized Jackson was kicking me really hard...perhaps it was his way of saying, hey, I'm the real baby in the picture, and I"m right here!

It was an odd sort of a dream.  Any mom worries she is going to go into labor way too early and have a preemie, I just wonder if this dream means any more than that!  It has really stuck with me all day too.  Curious to see if this dream pattern repeats itself tonight!

Question #22

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  10 years?  15 years?

Let's see, in 5 years, I see myself with all my kids in school, at least preschool and up.  I see myself working full-time for WGU.  I see myself living somewhere different with the family. I see Jared in a different field, which will probably help dictate where we are living.  I would be 36.

In 10 years, I see myself teaching full-time in a traditional school setting again-ideally at the same school my elementary kids are at.  I see Jared doing something in the medical field and being happier with his career as a result.  I see all of our kids flourishing in academics, a musical talent, and a sport. I also see myself possibly struggling to deal with so many teenagers at one time.  I would be 41.

In 15 years, I see much the same as the 10-year predictions honestly.  I do see myself being very nervous about my kids "leaving the nest" one by one, going on missions, getting married, starting their own families,etc.  I still see myself teaching in a traditional school setting, though it wouldn't surprise me if it was in a charter school or a private school.  I see myself having gone back to school to get extra endorsements.  I see traveling more with Jared and carving out time to be a temple worker.  I would be 46.

I see being happy in all three stages of life, but also dealing with lots of trials, especially as the world gets worse and worse.  I see us holding on to our testimonies and our relationships with ourselves (within our family) to get through hard times.

Journal: pregnancy as it is today

You know you are in the final stretches of pregnancy when you start seeing/feeling/experiencing certain things.  I'm in my 31st week, just a few days shy of officially hitting 31.

I noticed yesterday some old stretch marks have gotten significantly darker/wider/longer.  Sigh.  I really don't care about having stretch marks, it's not like I show off my belly a lot.  But I was pleasantly surprised I wasn't getting any new ones this time around, I've been very consistent putting on my good shea butter lotion.  I'm not sure which is worse-new stretch marks, or darkening old stretch marks?

 My acid reflux/heartburn symptoms are hitting new highs unfortunately.  I expect this with reflux, I have it all through pregnancy, and I know it just gets bad at the end.  The addition of the heartburn though is difficult to handle at nights.  I have stopped eating a full-out dinner at night because I know it will ignite heartburn-doesn't matter what I eat, there's just so little room for my stomach right now it happens regardless.  I can handle the grossness of reflux, but heartburn makes me overly anxious because not much makes it go away.  I have found doing a lot of deep breathing and massage helps a bit-massaging my neck and my sternum in downward motions.  Somehow it pushes the heartburn down.

I have a feeling this baby is flipping and turning still quite a bit.  Right now I assume he is headdown, but at a diagonal.  He likes to kick/punch me in the very lower quadrant of my left hip, and under my right rib cage-like way to the side.  Last night I literally felt what I think is his foot just shoved as hard as it could into my belly, under my ribs--and he held it there.  I was literally massaging his foot with my hand, willing it to go down because it hurt, but also intrigued by the sensation.

 I have contractions/cramping every day right now.  The cramping worries me a bit, but I think I am letting myself get a bit dehydrated too often, thus I have taken to carrying around my water bottle again and buying ice every week.  Contractions are nothing right now, sometimes they come more regularly and frequently, other times it's just one and done.  Of course, I'll be interested to see if they have done anything to my body in the next 5 weeks.

 I've had a few instances this week where I felt a ton of pressure, cramping, and baby wasn't moving a ton, so I had to really monitor my body to make sure everything was okay.  One weird instance where I swear I could feel fingers fluttering outside my body, it was THAT much pressure down towards my cervix...that's probably way too much information for anyone who might eventually read this, but it was a weird sensation, I can't leave it out.

On the plus side.  I think I have finally acclimated well to SPD.  I have done a good job staying down whenever I can.  I think that has helped a lot.  I have also really figured out how to walk/roll over/stand/bend without really using my pelvis much.  That sounds odd, but it involves using a lot more upper body strength, and it has been helping a lot.  My maternity belt is helping too, though it is still not my favorite thing.  I have hated not being very active and don't want it to take a toll on my body, so I am going to start doing light exercise this week, stuff that will focus more on flexibility and stamina rather than weight bearing stuff or anything that requires being on my feet for too long.  That's what I have primary for.  ;)

That's it for now.

Question #21

If you could have one superpower, what would it be, and what would you do with it first?

I don't know that I'm creative enough to come up with a good superpower....I think of movies like X-Men and there are probably so many possibilities...

• I would like to have a healing power of some sort.  Like how Percy Jackson can use water to heal himself or others, or...huh, isn't there someone else who can do that?  Oh well, that's my pick.  No more doctor's bills, and the first thing I would do is heal James' heart completely and 100%.  Then I would cure Jared's migraine's forever.  Then I would fix JD's body so he could digest gluten better.  Hmmmm. Maybe I should have gone into a medical field...
• Just for fun, I would like to fly.  I just think that would be a cool feeling, and then we wouldn't have to pay for as much gas.  I'd have to transfer my power to my family to really save on our gas/car repair bills, or I'd just invent something so I could transport everyone in the sky. Then I'd have to have super strength too...that one is complicated.
• It'd be nice to go invisible when I wanted to.  It'd also be cool to duplicate/triplicate/quadruplicate myself on command....I could get so much more done.  

You know, I think if anyone offered me any superpower, I'd probably take it and I would bet it would be a nice change initially.  I have to wonder how fast the novelty would wear off though.  

Question #20

Describe 5 childhood memories.

I have a terrible memory from childhood, so this is actually kind of hard!

1. I remember my Dad taking me out for Daddy-Daughter dates.  I don't remember one time in particular, but I do remember going to....the Thrifty store?  I don't know if that's what it was called,  but it was a big store and up in front there were buckets and buckets of ice cream.  We'd get an ice cream cone and just talk.  I remember those moments clearly though the details are hard to describe.  As I got older, we did the dates less frequently, but my Dad would pull me aside for PPI's, sometimes while driving somewhere, sometimes while we were just in the family room...I actually really appreciated that, it made me feel like he took a special interest in me.  Jared was just asking me the other day how my Dad did it-make sure each child felt they got their own special time with Dad.  That's how he did it!
2. I remember getting stitches on my lip when I was I-Have-No-Idea-How-Old.  Younger than 10.  I was in the backyard and someone threw a metal lock, which happened to hit me right on the lip-they weren't aiming for me, I just got in the way.  I was rushed to a hospital bleeding everywhere, and I remember before they started stitching me up, they put a sheet over my head and there was just a little hole cut in it for my lip to peek through.  I don't remember anything else about the stitches other than that (that's probably a good thing!), but I remember being freaked out when they put that sheet over me.  
3. I remember being SUCH a readaholic when I was younger that my parents would drop me off at the Main Library in downtime Mesa for 2 hours or so, just so I could find books and read to my heart's content.  I loved curling up in the armchairs and reading book after book.  When it was time for my parents to pick me up, I'd go sit outside on the funky 3D wall mural-literally sitting on it, since parts of the mural stuck out like steps.  
4. I remember my Dad doing swimming lessons with us at Alta Mesa pool (which I don't think even exists anymore).  His method, as I remember it:  toss the kid in, see if they choose swim over sink and actually make it to the side.  I have a very clear memory of frantically doggy paddling to the side after splashing into the water.  I have no idea how old I was then either, but apparently it worked.  I also remember being at Alta Mesa pool one time, and Rebecca was young and didn't know how to swim.  She was on the steps and must have stepped off-she went under and just the top of her head was sticking up.  No one had noticed, so I swam over to her head, grabbed her hair, and pulled her head up.  My Dad noticed at that point and pulled the rest of her up.  She was just fine, and at the time, I didn't realize she was probably close to drowning, I just thought it was weird she was in the water almost all the way.  
5. I remember a time that I actually got into trouble in the 5th grade.  I never got in trouble, never even came close to it.  Thus, I was freaked out that I was potentially in trouble in that moment.  You know what, I actually never got caught for this incident, but it's close enough.  My class was in the computer lab and I had brought the chips from my lunchbox with me.  At that time, I liked to crush my chips into little itty-bitty pieces....not sure why.  They were sour cream and onion.  Anyhow, I brought them with me and proceeded to eat them while in the computer lab. That wasn't allowed, so they were hidden in my lap under my sweater (it was very stylish at the time to wear huge sweaters...I think).  The next day, my teacher pulled everyone into a class meeting and gave us a doom and gloom speech:  she knew someone had been eating in the computer lab, and she knew because there were greasy crumbs all over the keyboard/floor.  She said she knew who it was. She said it would cost a ton of money to replace that computer equipment and if that person ever did it again, they would be in major trouble.  She never said my name, she never asked to speak to me.  I was SO embarrassed.  I was wearing black leggings and a huge green sweater that I hated that day-I remember feeling like it was prickly against my skin and I was sweating like crazy in it, though it was probably from feeling like she was singling me out without actually singling me out.  I was scared of her from that day forward...obviously, I never ate in the computer lab again, but I also never went out of my way to talk to her unless necessary for the rest of the year.  

Question #19

If you could live anywhere, where would you live and why?

Jared asks me this question all the time, and I think he is always disappointed in my answer!  See, I am pretty content living right here in Mesa.  It is probably because it's a comfort zone for me since I grew up here.  I generally appreciate having family close by for support and for close cousin relationships.  We really liked living an hour or so away as well, ie, in North Phoenix-we liked being close enough to easily visit, but far enough to have our own space. 

Over the years, I have relaxed a lot more to the idea of moving out of state-I'd be fine going to Utah or Colorado.  I don't want to move to the East Coast, honestly-too far for me.  I'd love to live by the ocean, but the idea of living with CA and the higher living expenses/politics is scary.  I do think if Jared got a great job out of state, I would be much more okay now moving; I haven't always been like that.  

The one place I do not want to move to:  I don't want to move to the middle of nowhere.  Jared really really does.  He loves the idea of moving up North to Pinetop or something like there, in the middle of the forest, in the mountains and away from the amount of people you find in a more suburban/urban area.  I like being around people.  I like having resources close by.  Jared loves the idea of being self-reliant and able to support ourselves. I see his point, but the idea of doing it freaks me out way too much to agree to it.  I always tell him I don't want our kids to grow up as hicks either.  ;)  That's probably a huge stereotype from me, but it is what it is.  

Research....

I spent two hours today researching what I have to do to renew my teaching certificate in April of next year.  The good news is I realized some of my master's classes fall in the right time period; combined with my professional development hours, I have the 180 hours I need to renew, and don't have to take any classes.  Woohoo!  The bad news is, even though I am not actively teaching in AZ, I have to finish my SEI requirements in order to renew an AZ license.  This means-yes, I do have to take a class.  That's not altogether a bad thing, I love to learn.  The thing that makes it "bad news" is my current schedule-working full time between two jobs and expecting a new baby in November.  Yikes.

So after doing a ton of research to check which college has the cheapest, fast-paced, online classes, and after verifying with the DOE which classes at said college would satisfy the SEI requirement, AND after calling said college to verify what I need to submit to meet the prerequisite requirements, AND after breaking into my old UofP portal to get that prerequisite verification.....I am signed up to take my SEI class through Rio Salado in January.  It's an 8 week course, and I should finish it mid-March.  I don't need to renew my teaching cert until the end of April, so that will be perfect timing actually to get my transcripts in and send in my renewal packet.

Feels like so much busy work, but this will renew everything for the next 6 years and I do believe finishing up this SEI requirement will give me an awesome pay raise with WGU, as well as permission to evaluate in their ELL programs.  So end of the day, despite the craziness this will add to my schedule, I will reap some major benefits.  Shoulder to the wheel Rachel-you can do this.

Question #18

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Hmm, this is a hard one.  I'll go with the first one to pop into my head, but I don't know if this qualifies as "the most difficult thing"...in fact, I'm sure it doesn't, but I'll go with it anyway. *Warning:  This is a long story.  Only part of it has to do with forgiving, but I am going to share the whole context anyway, because at the end of the day, it's an important story.  Have fun reading, if you so choose.

During my last year at UofA, Jared and I were in a weird state of being.  He had just broken off an engagement and though I knew I loved him, it was difficult to decide when to make "us" official and start dating, as we were apart and still trying to deal with some family issues.  Anyhow, during that Fall semester at UofA, I accepted a date request from a guy named Russ.  Oh, anyone who knows me has heard about the infamous Russ-about 6 foot 7, lean, and bald as a cueball.  He seemed nice enough at the time, albeit a little bit intense.  We made plans to go on a group date hiking Sabino Canyon, which I had never been to-it sounded fun.

The day of the date, I wore pants and a t-shirt.  I remember Russ asked me why I didn't wear shorts to hike, and I told him I rarely wore shorts anyway...his response was to tell me if I gave him a pair of pants, he could cut them down to shorts and sew a hem in...that was just weird, and has nothing to do with this story, but its something I remember, and should have been a red flag honestly-that's not something you tell a girl on a first date, especially when you barely know her.

Anyhow, the date was okay, but really really hot.  We hiked for a while, and on the way back to the car, I was dying.  I needed water, and we hadn't brought enough.  We got into his car to drive back home and he had no AC-I was literally dehydrated and couldn't concentrate on anything he was saying, I was just trying to breathe.  We got back to his apartment with his roommates, and even though I was totally ready to just go home, I stayed there for dinner and conversation.  I finally cooled down, and it was fine the rest of the time.  He dropped me off at my apartment later on and we talked about plans to go to an institute dance (this was actually what he had initially asked me to-this date was more like "let's get to know each other before the dance").  We said goodbye, he insisted on a hug, and he left.

Now, nothing so far needs forgiving.  That part is coming up.  See, I had gone on that date still quite confused about whether or not I should officially begin a relationship with Jared.  After coming home from that date and thinking about everything, I realized something:  going on a date with someone else was weird and completely wrong. It was in that moment that I realized I knew I needed to be with Jared and only Jared.  It was crystal clear all of the sudden-we were being stupid being apart for frivolous reasons when I knew the Lord wanted us together.  It was an exhilarating moment for me-I had been searching for this answer for a long time, and it had finally come in the form of going on a date with someone else and seeing what it would be like to date someone other than Jared.  There was nothing right about it-I was meant to be with Jared.

I was so excited with this peaceful, calm feeling the spirit was sending me, I emailed Jared as was the norm for us, telling him I needed to talk when he got back from school.  I couldn't contain my feelings though, so I also emailed my best friend from high school about this experience and the amazing conclusion I had just reached.  This friend was going to school in Utah, but we had remained as close as possible given the distance.  I explained to her what I had been through, what my thoughts were, and how the Lord had just poured out his spirit FINALLY on me and given me the answer I needed.  It was such an exciting email to both send and write; oh, I was overjoyed!

You can imagine my surprise then, when I got an email back from my friend that was completely the opposite of what I expected.  She basically told me I was being stupid.  She told me I had a great guy right in front of me (Russ) and I was throwing that away.  She told me being with Jared was ridiculous given that he was just engaged to someone else.  She told me I wasn't thinking clearly at all.  Worst of all:  she told me I didn't know how to listen to the spirit and it obviously was not the spirit telling me to be with Jared.

I was heartbroken at her response...and angry.  I emailed her back immediately telling her how unfair her email had been and how, if she truly thought those things, she obviously did not know me at all.  It is not normal for me to immediately rise up to potential confrontation, but I did it without thinking.  Not only was I aghast at her reaction, I was hurt to the core that she would think I was taking something so lightly, especially something I had thought about, and prayed about for months and months.

I was crying at this point, and had to get away.  I got in my car and drove in the rainy darkness down the street. I realized I couldn't see anything between my tears and the rain, so I pulled into the parking lot of a Catholic church.  There, in the confines of my little car, I said The Prayer.  I asked the Lord to just give me a straight final answer-I didn't care what it was at this point, I just wanted to know yes or no:  should I date Jared, which essentially meant, should I marry Jared.  I wasn't getting anything with that question as I prayed and prayed about it, and in my teary frustration, I mentally said, "okay, maybe this is the confusion state and that's my answer.  I shouldn't be with Jared.  Ever."  That was the moment.  The second I clung to this thought, I felt despair.  I felt that stupor of thought-as if it wasn't even possible for the world to keep working if I did indeed choose to NOT be with Jared.  It was a lonely, confusing feeling because it made no sense.

Ah.  There's the answer.  I finally had it, clear as day.  It verified what I knew I had already felt after my date with Russ.  It verified what I had suspected for months on end, honestly.  The time was just finally right-and I had exerted the faith to fully explore the question with the Lord.  Through this whole disastrous day, I finally got the light at the end of the tunnel:  I had my answer.

In retrospect, all the things leading up to The Prayer were unfortunate, but they made sense.  The thing I had to forgive:  the email from my friend.  It was so difficult for me to hear my best friend of multiple years doubt me so much, especially on a spiritual level, and especially at a point in my life where I was finally living on my own testimony.  It was hurtful to the core.  I emailed my friend back a more explanatory email about why her email had hurt me so much.  She emailed me back apologizing...it was hard for me to forgive her honestly.  Truth be told, even though I do feel I came to a point where I officially forgave her-and didn't hold it against her at all.....our relationship was different thereafter.  I had lost some of the trust I had in her, and I think she may have resented me a bit for pursuing a relationship with Jared thereafter even though she obviously didn't agree with it.  That made me sad, but it was also time to stand on my own two feet and hold on to what I know the Lord verified to me.

I told Jared about that experience in full via email that week.  I told him I loved him.  We made immediate plans to see each other the next time I came down, which would end up being the weekend of The Hug.   I asked Russ to have dinner with me before that so I could honestly tell him I wasn't interested in dating or pursuing a relationship with him.  I agreed to still go to that dance with him out of courtesy and friendship...that was a mistake for many reasons and deserves its own blog post one day.  But my heart had already been given to someone else, and Jared had it completely and wholly from that day on.

I thank the Lord every day that he took it, kept it, and protected it to this day--and I thank the Lord for the knowledge that he will do so for all eternity.  As weird as it sounds, I am grateful for this weird and difficult series of events that happened in college....at times, I seriously wondered why things were happening the way they were.  In retrospect, I see the Lord's hand everywhere.  Not only was he guiding Jared and I together, he was doing it in a way that would strengthen both of our testimonies forever, and for that, I am grateful.

Question #17

What is one thing you wish you were great at?

Honestly, I wish I was great at being a mom.  It is just such a hard job, and I wish I could feel like I was even just "good" at it more often.

In less serious areas, I wish I was great at photography.  I love making my blog books, and sometimes when I go to edit a new one, I am let down with the pictures I have for it.  The images are great, and I like trying to get creative, but I wish I knew more so I could really capture the awesomeness of my kids...I guess I need a great camera to match this wish!

Karianna is 9!

Happy Birthday to Karianna!!!!

She's had two parties so far (technically three if you count her classroom party today), but I still have to dedicate a post to Karianna as my brand new 9-year-old!  Here are some of the noteworthy things about Karianna:

1. Karianna is super responsible and capable, even at the young age of 9.  I can trust her with so many things, like babysitting James, getting lunches/snacks, doing more complicated chores, walking to activity days on her own, taking care of her own money/jewelry, doing her homework, studying for tests, etc.  The list could go on and on.  Perhaps this is the result of being the first child of many, but these are traits that seem embedded in her, which is awesome.
2. Karianna is confident.  I am so SO proud of her in this area.  I was worried for a long time that she was struggling to believe in herself and not be so hard on herself.  She has come so far.  Last year she was in a talent show and just did a great job.  She sang a duet-sometimes solo- in the primary program and did awesome.  She tackled swim team this summer and really believed in herself. She started this school year with an attitude that absolutely evidenced her confidence.  It is beautiful to see her evolving in this manner as a young woman.
3. Kind of on the same note, Karianna has a great deal more confidence when it comes to learning.  Things have always come so natural to her, she used to freak out if something was hard or if she didn't do so well.  She isn't doing that so much anymore!  We have had many moments in the last few weeks where she has brought home some math homework that unfortunately her teacher isn't teaching so well (that's another story).  Karianna has come to me in every case and asked me to teach her how to do it-and then she lets me teach her.  She hasn't always done that in the past!  She will ask questions, answer my questions, and then take it upon herself to make up her own practice problems once she catches on.  Yesterday she was doing 3 digit by 3 digit multiplication that her teacher had just put on the board, told the kids to copy it and figure it out.....again, not going to comment on the teaching strategy, but Karianna was a bit confused by the box strategy her teacher was trying to show.  She caught on with me guiding her through it within 5 minutes and now is just so confident.  I realize this is a long #3, but it is just so awesome seeing her do so well and KNOWING she is capable of it.  
4. Karianna is a smart cookie. I know that is assumed in #3, but she just is.  Her 4th grade work is all extension work right now as much as possible because she needs it to keep progressing.  She still loves to do spelling bee format when we review her spelling words, and I continue to be impressed with her ability to "see" words in her head.  She is super proud that she has passed off mathblasters through 7th grade, the highest level you can go.  
5. Karianna takes a lot of care to put outfits, jewelry, and hairstyles together each morning.  She pretty much does it on her own, unless I feel like doing something more complex with her hair.  Her confidence level in this area is fun to see as well, especially as she grows older.
6. Karianna's musical talents are growing!  She is loving violin and is progressing nicely even in the 3 weeks she's been doing orchestra.  She still loves to sing and readily accepted the challenge to sing a solo in the primary program this year.  In the last week, she has been asked by 2 different parties of people to sing the solo just for kicks-she did it both times and sounded beautiful-pretty much made me cry.  I'm going to lose it during the actual primary program at the end of October...
7. Karianna continues to love art.  She draws all the times, or sketches might be a better word.  She also loves to make art projects, I just have to make sure to provide her with construction paper, glue, and markers that work.  
8. Karianna loves going to achievement day activities twice a month.  She has passed off all her year one goals (and several year 2 actually) and has memorized all her articles of faith, with the exception (I think) of 13.  I have challenged her to bear her testimony in church-that is something that makes her nervous, so she is working up the courage to do that next month.  
9. James loves Karianna.  I mentioned she is a great babysitter for him, and it is true because he loves her-he will ignore the other kids or get mad at them if they try to do something with/for him...but he listens to Karianna.  It's such a lovely relationship, and I hope it continues as he gets bigger.  She loves the other kids too, but as with most siblings, she gets frustrated with JD and Jordan bugging her or doing boy things she doesn't care for, and she gets frustrated with Sara touching all her things all the time (I don't blame her for that one).  However, she will go and play silly olympic/chase type games with the boys, and she will pull Sara aside and give her a dance/gymnastics lesson randomly.  I think underneath the slightly teenager-attitude, she really does like her siblings.  

I'll stop there since Karianna is 9 and that is 9 things!  We sure do love Karianna and I just cannot believe time has gone so fast-I have a young woman on my hands, and she exceeds every expectation I may have had when it comes to my oldest daughter.  Happy Birthday Kariana, we love you!

Question #16

What are your five greatest accomplishments?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6   Carrying and delivering soon-to-be six kids.

That might be a cop out, since that puts me over five instantly.  ;) So here's a few more:

7.  Having a successful career.  It has been intermittent, but I love the fact that I have gotten to work in the workforce, in the field that I love, and been good at it.  That gives me a huge sense of accomplishment.

8.  Finishing my master's degree program.  I love to learn and saw a need to strengthen my ability to teach language arts.  I loved my program, and although the last few months were super difficult getting my 200 page portfolio done, it was so worth it.

9.  Publishing blog books.  That's lower scale, and might seem silly.  However, I always wanted to be a published author when I was little, and I realize this is different....but it always gives me a thrill to see a new blog book that I have written and formatted in the mail.  I also love that I am building our family history...that is a nice thought as well.

10.  Marrying the man of my dreams.  I just never thought it was possible, so when it happened, I was in a state of awe.  I wouldn't really think of this as an accomplishment, more like a blessing.

Question #15

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Okay, this is a weird question as it is not possible, and therefore not something I think about a lot. My answers are going to be "on the surface", so to speak, as a result.

A Bird.  I like the thought of being able to fly, but I don't like the idea of being hunted, eaten, or caged.  So maybe not.

A Dolphin.  I love to swim, and dolphins sure seem like they have fun in the water.  But I don't like the idea of being food for a shark, caught in a net, or put on display at Seaworld.  So maybe not.

A Butterly.  A beautiful one that just flutters on the breeze.  Nah.  Too low on the food chain and likely to die in any sort of inclement weather, only to be pinned in a glass case for display.  Another "maybe not".

A Tiger.  That way I could intimidate everyone around me and stare down the worst kind of humans, knowing full well I could save so many people with one snap of my jaw.  Okay, I'm not that vicious, nor intimidating.  Scratch that one too.

A Monkey.  I loved the anthropology classes I took in college, the just for fun ones.  I can't even think of a reason to veto that one....hmm.  Other than being seen mostly for my reproductive tendencies and nothing more....and having to pick from potential co-parents who think physically fighting is the way to win my heart.  Plus I don't like being hairy.  Nope.

Maybe I'll just stick to being the kind of "animal" I know best-a human.  Not that we are the best by any means....but at least I'm used to that. That's the best reason thus far on this post.

Karianna's Family Birthday Party

We had Karianna's family birthday party tonight, and we invited the Lautenschlagers over to enjoy it with us.  As is normal for Karianna, she was so excited about every single thing she opened-the degree of getting goofy.  I just love watching her open gifts, and it honestly gets fun-er as she gets older, which I am not if that's how it's supposed to be, but it is right now!

I have been holding on to about half the things we got her for her birthday since her cousins party nearly two weeks ago.  We gave her the most desired item on her list:  vaseline.  Karianna goes through vaseline like no other-she puts it on every 10 minutes of her day and she keeps it tucked in her pocket all the time....if she has no pockets, she tucks it in the waistband of her pants and kind of freaks out if it gets misplaced (which is rare).  Therefore, getting a new little tub of it PLUS 3 lipsmackers was probably all she needed for her birthday.  Regardless, we also got her some earrings, the new Barbie movie, a new super-cute outfit, and the main gift that we should have gotten last year but couldn't because of finances:  scriptures and a scripture case/markers.  She loved it, and has read through a good chunk of Genesis already, completely intrigued with how the world was created and those early days of the Earth...Jared has been living it up, talking to her about various verses, drawing diagrams on the chalkboard.... it's awesome!  She told him she had already marked a ton of scriptures with her marking pencils, and I could see Jared's face fall, and I'm sure he wanted to tell her she really shouldn't do that unless she had a reason...but then she started explaining why she was marking and talking through the chapters, and it was instantly obvious she knew what she was doing. Fun stuff!

The Lautenschlagers made her day.  She racked up 30 dollars between them all as well as a few cute gifts, including a gold necklace that she loves.  We rarely have people over to our house-its small and we have no chairs at our table right now and it's just not super conducive to hosting things.  However, we were glad to have Jared's family over with us, it made for a special night for Karianna.

At Karianna's request, we had cinnamon rolls and ice cream for her birthday treat, which turned out SO yummy-it reminds me how nice it is to go off the cupcake norm and do something different.  Karianna doesn't really like cupcakes either, so this was a nice change.  Before we knew it, it was 9:30 and we needed to start getting kids to bed.  We said bye to everyone and sent them on their way.

The only ONLY 2 downsides to the entire night:

1. We spent most of the day cleaning, which needed to be done anyway, but I always like to have things especially clean when the Lautenschlagers come over because, well-this is their house!  That's a little bit of pressure, even though I never feel they are judgemental at all.  I didn't need everything to be perfect, and I was really pleased with how much we got done.  The only thing we didn't really get to was our own bedroom and bathroom.  Jared got the nail on the head the other day-we spend so much time and energy cleaning everything else in the house, especially kid messes, that we rarely have time/energy/desire to clean our own room after all that is said and done.  That was true today by far. No big deal, we just planned to keep our door closed.  So OF COURSE a kid just had to go into our room for whatever reason, turn on the light and leave our door wide open....and David just had to walk down the hall at the right moment to use the bathroom and glanced in.  Insert red, embarrassed face here.  Sigh.  I was feeling so good about the house I was presenting....
2. The second downside came after everyone was in bed and I just realized how much my body was hurting.  I came home from church earlier that day before we started cleaning already tired and worn out.  I couldn't hear out of either ear properly, I had to keep leaning over because of soar pelvic muscles, and I had to alternate between cleaning something and sitting down.  I slipped on the clean floor a few times-nothing major, but it really really hurt and caused pelvic movement that shouldn't be happening.  I pressed on though, and Jared completely stepped up, doing all the really rough jobs that he knew I wouldn't be able to handle, but would try to handle if it wasn't done by someone else.  So while the entire night was great for Karianna, and while I really did have fun....I was in pain afterward and it was all I could do to alternate between cold/warm compresses, take some tylenol, and try to relax.  

Funny thing is-I'd do it all again to make a special night for Karianna.  Happy Birthday ONE day early!  Here's the photo stream....

Family Video Reveal Party

We able to see the 2013 family video tonite-it was great!  Carly and Daniel always do such a good job on this, Carly with her amazing production skills, and Daniel with his amazing organizational skills.  I was feeling off socially speaking, given how I've been feeling for a while, but I was glad to go and support both Carly and Daniel, and give the kids a chance to hang out with cousins-it means so much to them.

Since today is Daniel's birthday, we did some fun games and a cake for everyone to enjoy.  The kids LOVED the nerf guns and all the targets.  Jared taught the older kids how to specifically aim, and Karianna thrived off of his instruction-she hit so many of the cups!  Of course, the boys were all about using the guns, they will both ask Jared all the time when they get to learn how to use guns....that topic of conversation scares me, but I know Jared is very knowledgeable about gun use, and bought his own first gun at 12, knowing full well how to use it safely.....it will be a major discussion/compromise when our boys get close to that age in terms of gun instruction.

Anyhow, here are a few pics of the event, the kids had a blast and Jared had a great time watching a football game at Daniel's house thereafter while I went home with the kids and got to just relax with the kids in bed.

*I have not edited these pics at all, so sorry if they are not ideal!

This is James throwing a fit :)  He is annoyed I wouldn't let him pick up that water bottle which isn't his.  So his version of a fit is silent treatment and avoiding eye contact...

 ...but since he is James, he gets over it fast, and turns it into a game.  See that sly smile?  He's now playing with me by refusing to look up, silly goose!

Question #14

Describe 5 strengths you have.  I shall interpret this as 5 things I am good at.

1. Jump Roping.  Granted, I can't do this while pregnant.  However, I am super proud that I can still do all my tricks from the jump rope club I belonged to in elementary school.  It's how I always proved that I was cool to a new class every single year.
2. Teaching.  It comes naturally easy to me.  Obviously, there are hard days, but if you stick me in front of a group of kids to teach them something, I fall into a comfort zone and it just works.
3. Leg strength.  I can always beat Jared in leg wrestling....since we do that all the time.  ???  But that's what he always says.
4. Writing an Essay. I loved my master's degree program for many reasons, but one of them-seriously-was because I enjoyed writing my weekly research papers.  I am good at analyzing/interpreting task directions.  I don't usually write outlines, I can just see where the flow is going to go.  I can sit down and write a 10-page research paper in a matter of hours and get an A easily.  I just "see" stuff like that quickly and can push it out fast.  I am sure this would change depending on the subject matter, but obviously when it came to teaching stuff, or just stuff I was studying in college, it was a gift to assign me a paper.  
5. Multi-tasking.  I am fairly good at this, but it is more of a necessity than anything else.  I have to be able to do this to manage our family/life/house.  It is very difficult for me to just do one thing at one time, honestly-I feel like I am not getting enough done.  During pregnancy, I always get restless legs at nighttime, and I have to incessantly tap my legs up and down to avoid the anxiety-inducing feelings.  I know that's a real thing, but I swear, it has something to do with the fact that when I lay down to go to sleep I feel like I should be getting other things done at the same time!  So while this is a strength, it can also be a hindrance.

Question #13

Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

1. I have a weakness for hot fudge.  Let's just face it-anything is better with hot fudge.
2. I have a weakness for getting frustrated, especially when I either feel like things are out of my control, or when I feel like nothing I am doing is making a difference.  Think cleaning and trying to teach the kids....when you sweep a whole floor and then come back 30 minutes later to see it covered in crumbs, toys, goghurt garbage, you name it-frustration is bound to happen.  
3. I have a weakness for feelings of anxiety or depression.  A lot of times I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  I have a super-hero complex in that I feel like I have to save/fix everything. Realistically I know I don't have to, but it adds into my tendency to feel overly anxious or occasionally depressed.
4. I have a weakness for teaching stuff.  August is so tempting in terms of what comes out in stores, and heaven forbid I go into a teaching store....even Dollar Trees drive me crazy!  It doesn't matter if I am actively teaching or not, if I see a steal on a value pack of glue sticks or dry erase markers....I am done for.  
5. I have a weakness for doubting myself.  Jared would say this, I am sure, though he would also say it is completely unfounded.  So a lot of times, I just have to trust that he is right.

Journal: Nesting Updates

I finally got the boys' window frames finalized today-ie, I put up a month's worth of school papers in a collage on their wall, and they look great!  I hope they are excited to see all their beautiful work displayed.  I fixed one of the kids' little table chairs today so they are both usable.  I also packed my hospital bag as much as I am willing to do right now.  I know it is seriously early, but I also know as we get closer to D day in the next 9-10 weeks, I will be worrying about just having a clean house and not really thinking about my bag-I'd rather have that done now than wait.  I'll just have to add in hair essentials, phone/camera/chargers, and my coming-home clothes, since whatever I wear home is generally something I wear until D-day. 

I polished the entertainment center today and taped up all the puzzle boxes so they will actually hold appropriate puzzle pieces now.  I gutted mine and Jared's room yesterday, though it is bound to NOT stay that way.  I made Jared promise that he would fold clothes tomorrow while watching 3 hours of football....I'm hopeful he will get through all the loads that are waiting to be folded!  I recleaned all the kids rooms as well....I really believe that needs to be their job, but I just need to face it-they won't do it the way I want it without a longer training period, so I need to get in the habit of going in there once a week myself and putting everything back in the right spot.  

Finally, Karianna finished her biggest money job yesterday, which was a huge relief for me-she cleaned and organized the toy room, which is a major task considering I had dumped 3 laundry basket-fulls of toys in there after gutting everything out of the girls' room.  It was disastrous.  She did a great job though and I now owe her 3 bucks.  The boys walked around yesterday with lysol wipes and wiped down all the kitchen appliances, the TV, the kids' table, the fireplace, and certain spots in the wall that were dirty.  That was also really helpful, and I appreciate it so much when the kids tackle a cleaning job with a good attitude and do an equally good job.

Two things I am planning to do this weekend is email my supervisor at WGU to inform her about this impending D-Day.  I am not planning on taking any time off from that job.  It is so flexible, I would rather keep my consistent paycheck and get evaluating hours in whenever I can during the day.  I will really only need the time off while I am in the hospital, and even then, I could actually forsee myself doing some work in the hospital if I am not too tired.  I know that sounds weird, but I could forsee it happening.  As long as I still get in my minimum hours during the week, it wouldn't count as any time off, I would just have to allocate that time to other days as much as possible that week.  In any case, I need to alert my supervisor just in case an emergency happens.

I also am planning to start putting out feelers for a long-term sub in primary.  I am planning to take off after the primary program on October 27th and be out November and December-it makes sense to finish out the program year, so to speak, and let someone come in for the holidays so I can rest and recover.  I am sad about that honestly, I love teaching holiday music!  At the same time though, it is already difficult for me to be as involved as I want to be with primary, and I know when I get to those last 2 or 3 weeks I am going to feel like getting a sub anyway.  Kerry Parker has already said she could help out, but I need to find another person since it is difficult for her to commit with her husband's health conditions.

I will start talking to my OB about scheduling an induction date at my next appointment, 32 weeks, though I would not fully anticipate scheduling anything until either 34 or 36 weeks.  I am finding it hard to shake the feeling that this baby will come early.  I know I usually have these feelings when I get into the last trimester-it is usually just a result of being done with pregnancy mentally.  I always have to wonder though if it is something more this time.  I have fake contractions on a daily basis now, and every few days get a couple that I really feel in my back and that hurt a bit.  Nothing major, and they don't last of course, but these kinds of things make me wonder. 

I also wonder if I am going to have issues with high BP again like last time.  I have been extremely stressed out in the last month or so with various issues, and I have had two anxiety attacks in the last 6 weeks.  I have to really work right now on keeping my emotions in check because every time I breakdown crying I worry it is raising my BP.  I have instances on a weekly basis where I feel like my heart starts pounding really fast and my resting pulse rises.  I have to lay down when that happens and drink a lot of water until it goes back to normal, which honestly takes an hour or two.  It's something my OB and I are watching of course, and we'll see if it translates into anything more serious.

With all that being said, I am constantly grateful for how frequently Jackson moves to let me know he is okay.  He is being confusing right now, I was sure he was laying transverse because I feel so much movement from side to side, but the last 2 days I have had a lot of "head-butting" down low--yet I still get the hip kicks on both sides!  What's up with that????  I can't figure out what position he is in as a result.  Either way though, he moves so often, hiccups so often, and taps so often that I know he is okay and doing just fine.  So grateful for that blessing!

That's it for now-James is poopy again, and to make my cleaning goals for today, I should probably go load the dishwasher while I feel able to doing so.  We have a busy weekend ahead of us, and I'm hopeful it will be a good one with family.

James Finally Had....

Chocolate Milk!

 I gave it to him for the first time today, at the ripe old age of 21 months.  It's funny, even though he's never seen chocolate syrup used or tasted it to any degree, he seemed to know it was something good and was literally bouncing for it while I mixed.  Needless to say he loved it, and seemed instantly hyper thereafter.  I dislike chocolate milk, and rarely give it to my kids, so I doubt this will become a habit, but it was funny to see his overjoyed expression!

Just some other random funny pics of James...

 It's been a while since I posted a scar pic of James, looking pretty good!

Question #12

Describe a typical day in your life right now.

6:00 AM-Teach or work online (EO or WGU)
7:00 AM-Kids up/breakfast/lunches/get ready for school
8:05 AM-Take kids to school
8:35 AM-Get Jared off to work/get other kids ready for the day/playtime
10:00 AM-Snack/James Nap (10:30)/work online/Sara works on preschool type stuff
11:30 AM-James up/lunch time/housework/clean up
12:30 PM-Sara to school (3x week)/James plays with me
1:00 PM-James nap/work online
3:00 PM-James up/Pick up kids/snack/homework/various activities at home
5:30 PM-Clean up/start dinner
6:30 PM-Jared home/dinner
7:00 PM-work online/Jared plays raucous games with the kids
8:00 PM-bedtime routines-James, Sara/bedtime routines-JD, Jordan 8:30/8:45 for Karianna
9:30 PM/10:00 PM-stop online working/veg out/deal with multiple kids coming out of their rooms multiple times/clean up the kitchen
11:00 PM/11:30 PM-Bedtime

A typical day right now is kind of funny because we don't go anywhere.  It's still too hot for the park, I only grocery shop on Saturday, and any other excursions, I can't endure with pregnancy issues.  So we stay homebound and play outside in the backyard if we need a change of scenery.

Question #11

What are 10 of your pet peeves?

1. Bad grammar/mechanics in academic writing.  I am more forgiving in terms of emails and blogs (I even overlook typing mistakes every now and then).  However, when it comes to things that should be written professionally, it drives me crazy to see mechanical/articulation errors.  Generally speaking here, but it surprises me how many college papers I come across for those in a teaching program that have blatant errors-whether typing or mechanical, shouldn't any college student be going over these with a fine tooth comb, especially if you are writing a sample parent letter????  Drives me crazy.
2. Not cleaning up messes that you make.  I am not a neat freak by any means.  However, I HATE when my kids spill something, drop something on the floor, get out a toy bin, and then walk away two minutes later without a second thought.  The worst: I have actually witnessed most of my kids finish eating a goghurt, and then just drop the goghurt wrapper on the floor as they are walking out of the room.  What is up with that?????
3. Crumbs on MY ground. They don't bug me in other places, but they do bug me in my own house because they simply never ever go away.
4. Monsoons that dissipate.  Talk about disappointment right there, especially when you live in a never-ending drought.
5. Parents not disciplining their kids.  I will never try to discipline someone else's kid unless they are solely in my care or unless they are physically hurting my child.  And even in those cases, I would most likely nip whatever is happening in the bud verbally and then remove my child.  I have to say though, it really drives me nuts when kids are obviously making inappropriate choices and the parents are right there, obviously aware-and do absolutely nothing.  I think I probably am more of a strict parent than not, and I think sometimes I need to loosen up, but I will never be as lenient of a parent as that.  
6. Lack of sensitivity or care of another human being.  This one doesn't need to be political.  ;)  In fact, I meant it more professional.  I've had some terrible experiences with businesses and how they treat their employees, and it came down to being completely insensitive and uncaring.  It was uncalled for, I don't care how "professional" you are trying to be.  It's not hard to give someone thoughtful notice or a genuine thanks or sincere condolences. Makes me glad I did not opt for a career in business management.
7. Temper Tantrums.  I have always had very, VERY little patience when it comes to temper tantrums.  This is why Sara is such a struggle for me, because she is the only one who has ignored my very early expectations and thrown them anyway.  
8. The ladies at Bush who wave the cars forward during pick up and drop off-but especially pick up.  They drive me crazy.  I get they need to keep cars moving.  But when they plant themselves right in front of your car and insistently wave you forward while your kids are getting in, or if you have 3 feet of room in front of you, or while you are trying to get into the next lane to get out of the pick up line....completely unnecessary and it drives me crazy.  I swear the way they act, they must think they are the bosses of the world.  This is so not nice of me, but they really, seriously drive me crazy.
9. Kids losing their shoes.  I just CANNOT figure out why this happens.  We have a shoe basket easily accessible. I tell the kids every. single. day. to put their shoes in the basket immediately upon arriving home. And still we have mornings where someone (usually Jordan) cannot find a shoe.  It drives me crazy, and I admittedly get seriously, seriously frustrated.  

I only started with 6 pet peeves.  I am adding on as I go with the hope of getting to 10!