Now, although we were super excited to bring James home, the day itself has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. I spent a good chunk of it very apprehensive that James wasn't ready...or maybe that I wasn't ready. I found myself wondering, how will I know if he is struggling? What if something happens while I am sleeping? What if I miss a warning sign and he goes downhill faster than I am prepared for? What if I can't keep him safe enough at home? I found myself coveting the monitors and the nursing staff that keep an eye on him 24 hours a day and that know what has gone on with his heart better than I. Uncertainty was definitely prevelant.
And then I found myself scared-scared that something would happen during the course of the day that would delay his homecoming. Perhaps his breathing would be irregular, he would stop eating as well as he had, or his heart would malfunction....and we would be stuck in the hospital yet another night. Each feeding, I was holding my breath, hoping he would eat well. I watched his monitors like a hawk, checking out the numbers every time the machine beeped, just to verify it wasn't anything serious. Fear was definitely there as well.
Midday, I knew I needed to get a hold of myself, especially if I was going to be able to provide James with a relaxing, comforting environment at home. I ran down to fill his prescriptions, and while I was waiting, I browsed around the gift shop. In it, I found a plaque reading, "Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks ahead." I was instantly reminded that the Lord was in control. If James took a turn for the worse, it would be best for him to stay at the hospital another day or two. If James left today, the Lord would be watching out for him above and beyond what I would be doing. I bought the plaque and resolved to have faith, instead of worry or fear, rule my thoughts.
Jared came over to the hospital after work to help us get home. We waited...and waited... and waited to complete the discharge steps, which included a car seat test. At that point, I was starting to feel very comfortable taking James home, and I was getting nervous it would not happen just because of logistics! THankfully we had one of our favorite nurses on for the evening and he got us through everything even though the hospital "frowns" on discharging as late as we did. However, we finally bid the 5th floor goodbye, including taking a picture with the pig who greeted us everytime we got on or off the elevators. I wish we could have said good bye to all the nurses and doctors that worked with us and James while we were there-they seriously made such a difference with the level of care, concern, and respect that they showed us.
We finally got James strapped in our car at 11:00 at night and pulled away from the hospital. I don't think it has hit me yet that we have James home-and we get to keep him here. Karianna was wide awake when we got home and was tickled to be able to hold James in her arms before we ushered her to bed. The kids are so excited to see James everyday and to visibly see that he is okay. They have all stared at his scars and they all understand, to some degree, what the scars indicate. We are so excited to have a Christmas together as well-it will be a different one, since I do need to keep James isolated, but what a blessing it will be to wake up Christmas morning and thank the Lord for our family of 7-healthier than ever, with the best yet to come!
A long day, but a blessed one. We love litte James so very much and we are so grateful to have him as part of our eternal family! I just might need to end this portion of the James Journey and make tomorrow day 1 again-moving forward!
1 comment:
We took a picture with the pig too ;). Glad all went well with round one and two at that hospital and that you are finally home for good!
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