It came out of nowhere. I was anticipating going full-time with my online job. I was loving working with my team of teachers. I was incorporating more teaching hours into my schedule and remembering why I started working for this company in the first place. I was feeling fantastic about my position and my growth as an employee.
Then I lost my job.
A 5-minute phone conference ended with a fanfare of shock and awe: my position as a lead teacher was being eliminated. The company was restructuring in a massive way and layoffs were happening left and right. In a matter of minutes, I learned that I was part of that layoff. I had two days to wrap things up, tie up loose ends-and then that work schedule, that income, those responsibilities would be taken from me.
I was admittedly in shock during that phone call. I had a zillion questions but couldn't formulate a single one amidst the mix of emotions I was feeling. I had no idea this was even in the works. I was never given the consideration of prior notice, not even the hint that a restructure was in the works. I have been with this company for 6 years, 4 of which also included a leadership position, the most recent 2 of which were spent as a lead teacher. I assumed I was viewed with a level of respect that included prior notice. I was unfortunately wrong. Shock and awe.
Now, I should say that I didn't fully lose my job. I was invited to remain with the company as an instructor. I accepted through my dismay at the idea that my hours were being reduced drastically, and that my pay rate was dropping significantly. Regardless of my feelings about how this was handled, I love working with these students and I believe in the program we run. I am not willing to lose this connection to education, nor this association I have with students around the country. Yes, I will continue to teach, and I am happy I was asked to do this.
However, I still find myself overwhelmed by this series of very unfortunate events. Overwhelmed may be too kind of a word, honestly. The repercussions of this incident, which I had zero control over, are huge for our family and for myself on a very personal level. It would be easy for me to sink into those very pessimistic emotions. So I am choosing to be positive as I move forward.
I see this as a blessing. The loss of my main job has given me time. Time to concentrate more on the kids and attend more to their growth and development. We have spent more time together, read more books, explored new ideas, and baked more cookies. We have cuddled more before naptime, belted out songs, and danced more haphazardously than ever. We have discussed goals for our days, routines for our nights, and little places to improve in between. This time has meant a lot to our family and has strengthened me in terms of filling my more abundantly free time with extremely important activities.
I am amazingly grateful for the time I can now dedicate to teaching. This is the core of why I became a teacher, and perhaps I forgot that a bit since I began taking on other roles. I have worked with so many students since that disastrous phone conference, and I felt I have made an impact on every single one of them. The kiddo who talks about Harry Potter every single session; the boy who needs football applications to help him focus on any lesson; the girl who just barely started to understand fractions because of our conversations; the adult who is struggling to earn her GED and was able to explain her own thought process to me in terms of real life. These are the moments that remind me what I do makes a difference-and that is a nice thought that perhaps gets hidden in the bureaucracy of business.
I am hopeful for openings that will allow me to move up once again in this company. I very strongly feel I have much to offer as I have in the past. I also feel I have much to learn-and I will use this time to continue learning so I can contribute even more when I do add additional responsibilities. I am confident that I am seen in this light, and I am likewise confident new opportunities will open themselves up when the time is right. These changes are not the end of the world--they are the opportunities that challenge us to grow as individuals and to rise above the trials of life. I am up for the challenge and have every intention of making the best of it.
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I cannot claim to fully believe everything I just typed. In reality: these are my hopes. This is the way I hope I can react in the upcoming weeks. I have no desire to meander in the land of sadness. I take great pride in my job, and it is difficult to find a resolution when there are no answers. However, I want to make this an opportunity rather than a tragedy. Has that happened yet? I don't think so. But I am hopeful that it can. I hope that I can come back to this note in a few weeks, months, days, hours-and see that I have improved for the better. With the Lord's help, I know it can happen.
Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks ahead. I've been all three. Time to focus on the latter.
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